I've committed myself to something. This is it.
I've never felt the "burden" of a huge responsibility before. Just like that, I have an immediate, tangible purpose. It overwhelms me still.
It's a very grown up thing. Some people tell me I'm much too young. But then Glenna affirms, "if you plan on doing something, do it now." I thought the same thing just last night. I semi-astral travelled to my future self looking back and saying, "damn. I wish I jumped on the opportunity when I had it." I don't want to have that feeling. It's never too soon. I'm never to young to start investing on something that I will likely be using for the rest of my life.
No more digicam (so, scrap the "pasko na" post), no more trip to Baguio, no more spontaneous shopping sprees and gimmik nights. I've got something even more important now. My baby, so to speak. Hopefully, I will consequently reap the rewards.
For the first time, my job has a material purpose. I really have to work now. Every cent earned and every cent spent is of utmost importance. For the first time, I really meant it when I said, "Leche! Ang taas ng tax!" Haha. Words I never really thought would come out of my mouth.
Only a few people believe I can do it --- my parents think I can't. All they see is every negative thing I might come across. Well, they are prepossessed to think that simply because they're my parents. That actually drives me more to just go for it... prove 'em all wrong. I've always been like that. They weren't confident about me passing the LET. They never relaly thought the job I have now would make me happy. For a couple of psychologists... they don't have me pegged. Maybe they're wrong again this time. No... they ARE.
Despite that surge of invincibility, I'm scared shitless, truth be told. As if I'm suddenly gripped by something. As if turning a page, I suddenly have a grown-up responsibility. I made the choice anyway so if all goes down to shit, I have no one and nothing to blame but myself. Then again, why let it go down to shit? I have always told myself... this is my goal, my dream. What I really want for myself... what I imagine myself having.
First step is done. One day at a time.
